I am typing this late at night, somewhere around 11 PM, EST, or is it EDT? Hell, I don’t know at this point of the year, what am I, a goddamn pocket watch?

No, I’m a pocket fisherman.

An image of blurred colors, red, white, cyan, purple, and pink, all blended together in an abstract fashion. If I had to guess, it looks like a flamingo with a blue light on its nose, but only if you're seeing it while very drunk.
This image has nothing to do with anything, but I think it’s pretty.

Just sitting here thinking about things, all kinds of things. By this point, the day is generally done, it’s late, I can look outside and see two rabbits going at it hammer and tongs in the front yard, right underneath the front bumper of my car. Something to be said for night vision cameras, and that something is “fuck.”

Just watched Star Trek III: The Search for Spock earlier this evening, and I really enjoyed seeing it again after so many years. It’s one of the least watched original films for me, but I do enjoy it, and some of the best lines in all of Star Trek are in this film, mostly from Dr. McCoy.

Anyway, my mind just kind of floats from topic to topic and, like most ADHD/Autistic people, my brain decides at some point to travel back in time to point out every embarrassing moment in my life, which is always fun, but on the upside, at least I can look back and say I had those embarrassing moments, that there were moments in my life that created so much emotional resonance, I can feel them even now, to this day, and I can.

Friend, I can feel the exact emotion I felt that day, like when I got up during a choir performance and told my choir director she did a good job, right in the middle of the performance, and in front of about 500 people. She quickly shushed me and told me to get back on the risers. lol

I can still feel the heat from that moment, that embarrassment as I realized what I had done. I was, maybe, 10 years old at the time, and my little mind tended to just form its own ideas about what was and wasn’t appropriate behavior, because it never occurred to me that people would be embarrassed for telling them they did a good job.

Did you feel any secondhand embarrassment off of that? If not, that’s okay, if you did, lol, I imparted an emotion to you, and I’m happy I did that. Don’t worry, it’s harmless, but I’m glad I did, because I just really like to make sure my fellow humans are out there.

That might seem like an odd thing to say, but I have been observing, for some time, that people, especially in public, are changing, and I speak of where I live, not for everywhere, of course.

I see more anger and frustration, and very little tenderness, love, kindness. People are so quick to mock someone else, and so slow to admit they might feel bad about something themselves. It has been happening for a long time, but I speak more of a sharp increase in recent weeks and months, rather than the graduated curve that has been taking place since 9/11/2001, because that was the day our society dropped the pretense of being at ease and became far more jingoistic and militaristic.

You can even see it in our shows of the era. Remember the series Enterprise? After 9/11, the show became much more gung ho about terrorists and felt much more conservative to me. Even considering TOS, Enterprise still feels like THE most conservative Star Trek series on television, and it all happened during George W. Bush’s America.

A little bit later this week I have a doctor’s appointment, and my new doctor (my previous nurse practitioner left, making this the second nurse practitioner to leave our local clinic in the past year) will be taking me on, I think, at least until yet another nurse practitioner comes in and takes over.

In the meantime, I have to keep calling them to get my medications refilled because those medications are no longer valid prescriptions since my previous nurse practitioner, who authorized them, is no longer at the clinic anymore, so I’m technically without a medical care provider.

As a diabetic, the colloquial expression “fuck me sideways” come to mind, but I’m hoping it will sort itself out soon. At the very least, this week’s appointment will put a name on my prescriptions, and I won’t have to beg to have my insulin refilled, which is nice for me, I guess.

Well, I’ll let you go. I’ll probably do more of these eventually, so I’ll slap a #1 at the top of this title to remind me that this will be an every so often thing. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and if you didn’t, well, I don’t have anything, because I’m not apologizing.

Oh, and my best thoughts to my friends in the path of Hurricane Debby, she’s plowing up the southeastern coast of the US, and causing a lot of flooding. Be safe, sweeties.

Until next time,

.Red

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *