Always off the cuff. My writing on this blog or website, whatever you like to think of it, is always off the cuff and stream of consciousness. I like to get things down while they’re swirling around in my head or in my heart, and I usually do so without much editing, if any editing at all.
I do this because too many places on the internet are too polished for my taste. Too many people trying to be a brand, monetizing themselves in order to bring income so they can eat, because we live in a shit society where you have to monetize everything you’ve ever loved, while also working as much as possible, just to squeak by while people who haven’t the fucking foggiest idea of what human life is like outside of their privileged wealth and existence contribute fuck all while controlling whether or not you get medicine and shelter.
I’m not a brand. I’ve said that before, but I feel it bears repeating here every so often. I’m not an organization, an association, a corporation, a business, an investment portfolio, or anything like that, I’m just a person, warts and all.
I love people, and I want to be loved. I get angry at myself for my own faults, sometimes I get angry at other people if I believe they’re exploiting or abusing others, but mostly I try to love people and understand where they’re coming from, while also not being so fucking naive as to give everyone a clean slate every time they do something really fucking awful.
It’s hard to deal with the way things are these days, and it was probably like this a century ago for people like me. I do love the idea of someone in Jesus time being upset that the rugs they’ve laid out in their hovel aren’t lined up properly, and that they keep running to the town well to wash their hands because someone else got theirs dirty.
You know, just autism things. lol
I just want to be clear that when I talk about things I consider important, they are important to me. I don’t foist these ideas and declarations on others, everyone is free to ignore them, free to dismiss them if they do read them, and while it might hurt my feelings, there is no punishment for deciding that I’m a couple of breadsticks short of the Tour of Italy family platter at the Olive Garden.
I do know there are people who can’t tolerate what I have to say, whether because their political or social beliefs prevent them from doing so, or because my personality rubs them the wrong way, I get that, but I do believe what I believe, I took a lot of time to learn about things, because I give a damn, I care so much, that I want to be sure what I’m supporting is the right thing to support, and that what I’m against really is what it appears to be, and some people don’t care for such things.
I do. I always have.
People used to tell me I traded in one religion for another when I left fundamentalist Christianity and ended up being a socialist, and while they’re free to believe that, I don’t agree. I got where I am through constant self-examination, through reason, knowledge, a willingness to be wrong, to want to understand. It’s easy to claim that I’ve not changed at all, or that I’m somehow both different and the same (it depends upon the bully), but it takes principle to hold fast to something other people would much rather ignore.
It doesn’t mean I’m always going to be right. The very nature of self-examination is realizing that I will be wrong sometimes. I don’t know anyone who has never made a mistake, because such a person doesn’t exist and has never existed.
On the internet, though, I think we’ve all met plenty of people who believe that they’re always right (even if they claim otherwise from time to time, you will never find them saying they were mistaken about anything).
Such is the nature of the internet, where everyone can be an expert and always in the right place at the right time with exactly the right thoughts no matter what, a veritable renaissance person who cannot conceive of ever really being wrong about something.
Well, if you’re reading this blog, you’re reading the words of someone who fucks up, has fucked up, and will fuck up again, BUT, I will always try to learn from those mistakes and do better. As it has been said in various memes, progress isn’t a straight line from A to B, there are often detours, setbacks, and other colorful similes and metaphors that make the point I’m making here.
Still, you will always get exactly how I feel at any given moment, because I just let it pour directly from my heart.
If you’re wondering “wait, if you don’t really edit, why don’t you make a bunch of spelling mistakes?”
Well, I’m a fast typist, and so I immediately go back and edit as I write, so I do clean up what I’m saying when it comes to grammar or punctuation, but I still miss things, and everyone here knows I’m the Comma Queen of the Midwest, because I put those motherfuckers EVERYWHERE.
When I say I don’t edit, what I mean is I don’t edit my thoughts. You’re getting them straight from the source with no revisions and second drafts. It’s all done in one go, as I go.
So I just wanted you to know if you didn’t, and if you did, thank you for reading this anyway, I love you, you know I do.
.Red
