If I fully let down the barriers I have built up over many years to protect myself, I would literally collapse into a puddle of tears and exhaustion, weeping and crying non-stop for hours, even days, as the pain of my soul would just burst forth again and again and again.
So I keep the barriers up.
The barriers act like supports to help me function. Without them, I would dissolve into the sea of misery and pain, that ocean of existence where I can feel everything everywhere all at once.
Sometimes I am so tempted to do it, I really am, because I wonder to myself whether or not if I survived it, I would be a stronger person, but I don’t think I would, because that ocean is massive, and one small person can be lost so easily in such an ocean, never surfacing, never touching solid ground again.
So I keep the barriers up.
.Red
